Zork via IM…
I was digging through some old emails, and I found this IM conversation I had. Some notes:
Jon is a great student worker, who is more than a bit of a geek. He plays “Magic: The Gathering” and other things that make him the kind of person that I hired because I knew we would get along. On the day in question, he was helping me to figure out what was wrong with a computer in a lab while I was at my desk – he was being my eyes/ears/hands out in the lab while I did 20 other things while fixing this computer. I was also, apparently, a little punchy…. So when he wrote “/waits” it put me into Zork mode….
Monday, March 9, 2009 2:56
me – it just got weird, didn’t it?
me – A møøse ønce bit my sister.
jon – ?
me – monty python and the holy grail
jon – meh
me – HEATHEN
jon – i see nothing wrong
me – wait for it…….
jon – other then there is a sign on it saying it broked
/waits
me – something slithers past you…
you have been eaten by a grue
jon – /dies
me – would you like your score?
jon – yes please
me – you got 10,000 points
out of 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 possible points
start again?
y/n?
jon – y
me – you are outside a house. exits are n, w
jon – /releases atomic war dog to scout
me – time passes
jon – go n
me – you come upon the bloodied remains of your atomic war dog. signs indicate a struggle.
jon – /urinate on dog
/readies sword and continues
me – does that make you feel better? exits are s w n
a bird flies over head and poops on you.
jon – that must be some poop i thought i was inside
me – the sun is starting to set. you should beware of the grues. exits are S W N
jon – travle east
me – your way is blocked. the sun is setting. you hear the grues calling out. exits are S W N
jon – /go w
me – you find yourself going down a long and winding trail. it is well traveled, but not recently, as the growing brush confirms. exits are E W.
jon – continue w
in a skipping manner
me – although you are in fact skipping, you quickly trip on a rock and skin your knee. do you cry out for your mommy? Y/N?
jon – no
suck my thumb instead
me – your hand is full – you have drawn your sword.
jon – followed by the peter griffen cry of pain
fine is suck my toe
me – you fall over, skinning your other knee. do you want your grammy-gram? Y/N?
jon – Y
me – you call and call, but she doesn’t come. it is getting dark. you hear grues calling back and forth to each other. exits are E W –
jon – W
me – you find yourself at the top of a cliff face. the drop appears to be several hundred feet, but you are not sure – past the first 100 feet, mist shrouds the drop. exits are E
the sun is setting.
you are hungry
your knees are still sore, but don’t hurt anymore
your thumb is starting to prune up
your grammy-gram, hearing your calls, comes crashing through the brush. having been in a hurry, she forgot her glasses, and trips on a log. she calls to you as she falls off the cliff, cursing your name with her last breath.
time passes.
jon – go E
me – you go back down the trail, pausing to miss the stone that you tripped on earlier. the sun is setting. you are getting hungrier. exits are E W
jon – /eats my prune thumb
me – you can’t eat that, silly. it’s too wet.
time passes
jon – fine ill eat the birt poop
me – you try, but it’s all dried into your hair and you can’t get it out.
jon – /mixes the thumb and bird poop
me – that won’t work. see above.
jon – /hunts
me – the only tthing you find is a prune, some dried out grue poop, and some string. the sun is getting close to setting. you should find a place to go.
time passes
you hear the sound of grues calling back and forth
jon – E
me – you are back where you started. a clearing with exits N W S. there is a small mammal wandering down the trail. off in the distance, you hear more grues waking up and readying for the nights hunt. you see a wisp of smoke to the south.
jon – S
me – crashing through the brush, you come upon a small house made of what appears to be gingerbread. a fire is burning, as evidenced by the smoke escaping from the chimney. the smell of food reminds you just how hungry you are. a well is off to the right, along with an area for chopping wood. the door to the cottage is S. exits are S N.
your hear the sounds of what appears to be the start of the nightly forraging by the grues. they sound a little too close for comfort.
jon – /enter cottage
me – the door is locked. when you rattle the handle in a clumsy attmept to enter, you hear someone – or something moving around inside.
time passes
jon – /knocks
me – there is some movement from inside, then a raspy voice asks who is there: friend or grue.
jon – friend
me – a small slot opens in the door. a large eyeball looks you over, checks behind you, and then disappears as the slot closes. you hear the sound of many latches being lifted/opened. the door slides open
the sun has set. darkness engulfs the land
the noise of the grues is becoming louder and louder
jon – /enters
me – the old man inside the house has been beckoning you to come inside, and now starts to shout in panic.
jon – /closes door behund me
me – as you enter, the grues come into the clearing in front of the house. in a panic, the old man slams the door shut and starts latching it closed again. you can hear the grues right outside the door.
the old man turns slowly after locking the last latch, and looks you over.
“aw, did you hurt your knees?”
jon – tis but a scrap
me – “Do you want your….. MAMA???”
the grues have circled the house and now start hitting the house, screaming in anger. they are hungry. you are their food.
looking around the cottage for the first time, you realize that there are several skeletons sitting at a table. a fire is burning, with some kind of stew on it. the old man is not as old as he looks, but clearly has been through some bad things in his life. there is a doorway to the E and W, and a curtained area to the S. to the N is a ladder, leading to what appears to be a loft.
jon – /keeps sword drawn
me – time passes. the man offers you some stew. the grumbling in your stomach was too much for him to listen too. outside, the grues continue to complain.
jon – /asks for a bowl
me – the man gives you a bowl of stew and a spoon to eat it with. he sits down and starts mumbling about the children
jon – /inquires about the children
me – he says that he enjoys having the children for dinner, but no-one likes to come by any more. he keeps looking at you in a manner that does not sit well with you. the grues, outside, are continuing to make a racket.
jon – /kills the man and throws him outside
problems solved
me – while trying to get the door open to throw the man outside, one of the grues manages to get the door open enough to get his arm in. flaining in a blind panic when you close it on the door, the grue cuts your arm with its claws. it also manages to take a chunk out of the man.
fighting, you are finally able to shut the door again, but are now bleeding. the old mans body is beginning to smell./
the man stirs.
looking over, you notice that his nails are much longer than before. his eyes are more purple than they were.
he’s also sprouted long gnashing teeth and fur from the tips of his ears.
jon – /climbs the ladder to the loft and pulls it up with me
me – attempting to do so, you pull too hard on the very securely fastened ladder. so well fastened that you pull yourself down from the loft, landing on your neck.
waking up, you realize that you can’t move anything but your big toe on your left foot and your ring finger on your right hand.
you also seem to have landed on your sword, which seems to have pierced your spleen. the old man – now a fully formed grue – is eyeing you hungrily
jon – /pheonix down
me – what?
jon – to fix me all up
me – while you were daydreaming about how to get out of your mess, the grue settled on your chest and started a little dinner meal: you.
you are dead. would you like to know your score?
jon – Y
me – you got 15 points
out of 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 possible points
jon – golf rules?
me – sadly, no
i think the computer is ok. logout, take the sign, and come by my office
jon – yes masta
The “he says that he enjoys having the children for dinner” is an homage to an episode of “Tales from the Dark Side” titled “Anniversary Dinner” from Season 1. You’d have to watch it to get it, but if you look at the summary of the episode, I think you’ll figure it out.
Have I ever mentioned how much I love Zork?
brando the grue is discussing.
brando the grue 00:43 on 2008/12/05 Permalink | Log in to Reply
man im trippin i miss the days